Thursday, August 14, 2008

How am I awake?

As usual my life is full of BEAUTIFUL chaos! As my faithful readers know our computer bit the dust, last week! I am lonely and bored without my laptop, but have had so much more time for cleaning and reading and other things, while the kids are napping. This has been a horrible week, from a mommy standpoint! Monday night I was up all night, literally. I went to bed at 11 and at 11:30 Brynne woke up crying and was hungry. I fed her, changed her, and got her back to sleep. My head hit my pillow, for the 2nd time that night at 11:35. At 12:10am Landon woke up calling, actually yelling, for Mama. I went to investigate and could not figure out what was wrong or why he was even awake. I took him potty, gave him some milk, and got him back to bed, not without a fight though! My head hit the pillow for the 3rd time that night at 12:47am! At 1:30am Brynne was crying again! I let her cry for about 10 minutes hoping she'd drift off back to such luck. I was worried that her crying would wake Landon and then I would have to deal with both of them, crying, at 1 o'clock in the morning, so I went to get her. I gave her some Tylenol thinking that maybe since she is teething she was having trouble sleeping due to the pain. She fussed and whined and cried for nearly an hour and finally went to sleep at 2:45am. My head hit the pillow for the 4th time at 2:46am! At 3:30am (this is no exageration) Landon woke up fussy and was calling Mama again. I fought back tears of my own as I got out of bed for the millionth time that night (or so it felt). Again, I could not find any reason why he wouldn't be sleeping soundly through the night as he always does. I laid with him in his bed for a bit and then snuck out and left him to, hopefully, sleep. For the 5th time that night my head hit the pillow at 4:25am. At 5am sharp Brynne wanted her normal 5am feeding and woke up crying...again. I got up, stumbled to her room and gave her a bottle. My head hit the pillow at 5:28am, just as Travis' alarm clock was sounding to wake him for his work day.

~It has been an 'unwritten' rule in our house since day one when Landon was born that I just deal with the kids during the night. Travis wakes early and drives 45 minutes to work. I always have horrible thoughts that without a solid night of sleep he may just, God forbid, fall asleep driving, or at the very least be less aware than he should while behind the wheel. It is these irrational thoughts that have lead to the constantly tiring habit of me being the only one to deal with waking children. When either of the kids were breast feeding it made sense for me to get up...I mean, what the heck was Travis going to do? Well, Brynne has been on formula for almost 6 months now and Travis has never had to get up with her in the middle of the night. That means that for the past 7 months, at an average of 2 times (sometimes 1, sometimes 3) per night I am awakened and dealing with changings and feeding and such. That is atleast 140 nights IN A ROW that I have not had a solid night of sleep. ~

Back to my original story~
Tuesday morning at 6:30am when Landon got up I noticed he had a runny nose. VERY unusual for him as he is usually a very healthy kid. That combined with his night of restlessness I knew he was sick. Ugh, nothing worse than sick kids! All day long I dealt with a whiny, cranky, stubborn, tired, runny nosed 2 year old! Are ya jealous? Nope? Don't blame ya! To make a very long blog a somehat shorter blog I will just say that it is now Thursday and I have had 3 straight nights of little or NO sleep! Landon definately had a pretty bad summer cold, then Mama caught it, and today...Yep, you guessed it...Brynne is so sick! Poor baby girl ): Her nasal passages are so small anyway, and now that she is congested she is absolutely miserable. Combine that with lack of sleep (hers not mine) and teething and she is a handful! I am barely walking around and wonder how I am surviving on 3 hours of sleep in the past 3 days! It is unreal! No naps, nothing. A few weeks ago I would have been stressed and depressed and irritable about this week, and no doubt taking it out on Travis and my kids. But no more. I have a newfound appreciation for my job as a mom and try to go through each day with as much love and patience as humanly possible. I talk calmly to Landon with love and understanding and catch myself when I want to yell. This is a daily struggle for me as I can assure you that you will never see a more headstrong two year old boy! He despises the word NO! That is itself, although completely normal, a huge challenge for me. Those of you who know me know that I am organized and obsessed with cleanliness and very set in my ways. All 3 of these 'characteristics' are almost impossible with Landon, and a 7 month old, LOL. Visit Stephanie and read her blog here--> I can promise you that you will have new found love and patience as a mom! This woman's strength and grace during her loss and hardship are amazing! You won't be the same after you read her powerful words!

So tonight, Thursday I am hoping for a solid night of sleep! I am not holding my breath though! In the meantime I promise to remain calm and understanding even of the kids wake me 100 times a night. After all they will only be babies for a short while! (Please don't tell Landon I referred to him as a baby!)

On a side note, thanks to my sister Amy for letting me crash her place and steal her computer for awhile! We still have found no time to go on the hunt for a new computer with 3 of us sick and not sleeping! Hopefully this weekend (: We'll see!


Amanda said...

Wow! You poor sleep deprived mama. It's nearly impossible to stay well when a 2 year old is running around with snot and all that they touch and wipe. Bless all your hearts. I have missed you and your posts. I visit Stephanie's blog daily.. sometimes more then once and I understand completely about stopping, taking a breather and trying to have more patience. Sometimes I just stare into Mason's eyes as he's talking to me and I feel such over whelming fear, guilt, but most importantly love. He's always been my "hard one" so now I really stop and think before I get frustrated with him. Anyway.. like you said.. anyone that takes the time to read her blog will forever be changed. Miss you and hope you're back soon with a brand spankin' new computer!

Mindy said...

Bless your heart! I hope you guys are so much better now. I've missed your updates. I will visit the site you mentioned ~ thanks for sharing. Hang in there and you take care. Your post really encouraged me.