Friday, November 14, 2008

A letter to my son

Dear Landon,
As your Mama I feel it is my duty to pass on a few lessons. First off, it is not ok to walk around with your hands down your pants all day. Not only is it weird and slightly gross, but it is socially unacceptable. Please stop playing with your wiener and play with one of the 1300 toys that lay all over our house. And, while you're at it, keep your fingers out of your nose! Your nostrils are, believe it or not, not a playground for your fingers!
It is also not ok that you yell at the top of your lungs, announcing to everyone in the store, or Target, or the restaurant that "Daddy farted!!", every time you smell anything slightly stinky. On most occasions Daddy is not even with us and the possibility of you smelling him 3 cities away is not likely...not impossible, just not likely!
Picking up every single bug you see, each and every day, with no fear and carrying it to me is not necessary! Mama is not a huge fan of bugs, and the fact that her sweet baby boy picks up bugs larger than my big toe is slightly nauseating. It is hard for Mama to remain calm and say, "Oh ok, I see, now put the bug down...over there." without shoving your hand out of my face and screaming like a baby. There is honestly no reason for you to pick up bugs! Well, unless Mama finds a bug and needs said bug removed from the area immediately, and Daddy is at work...then, and only then, is it ok for you to ever pick up a bug, ick!

I would also appreciate it if you would stop thinking that just because you are potty trained you are able to point and pee on your own! It takes MANY years for a boy to learn how not to pee all over the toilet seat, and the few months you've got under your belt are no match for years and years of pointing practice. It has been said that there are men out there, who after 20 or 30 years, can't even aim straight. So please, slow down, and let Mama or Daddy help you to perfect your aim.
Eating 3 square meals a day is part of every boys healthy growth and development. Fruit snacks, granola bars, and graham crackers are not acceptable choices for lunch or dinner, and certainly not breakfast. So please stop asking Mama for these items when snack time has clearly passed and you need some nutrition in that tummy of yours!
And finally, I demand that you stop growing up so darn fast! You are not allowed to dress yourself, brush your own teeth, attempt to wash your hair, buckle yourself into the carseat, get your own snacks, have an opinion for yourself, tell Mama exactly what you want for lunch, tell Daddy exactly what you want to watch on T.V., help change Brynne's diaper, wash your own hands, talk on the phone, request songs in the car, choose which shoes you want to wear, or anything thing else that even remotely resembles your ever increasing independence! You are breaking your Mama's heart and although I am SO proud of the big boy you are becoming, you are still only 2! Stop rushing it!

How I love this sweet boy..even with that twinkle of mischief in his eye!


The White Family said...

I laughed so hard at this post, I had tears rolling down my face! He sounds so much like my 2 yr old tornado it's scary!! From buggers,bugs, farts and ect.. SO FUNNY!! You put that in the funniest words. Thanks for sharing.

Jennifer said...

awwww....that is so cute. They grow up fast I know.

Amanda said...

Count yourself lucky.. you only have ONE to deal with. Who knows, in a few days I may find out that I get this 3 X's over. Aren't I lucky! ;)

Thanks for the laugh. I love how independant they think they are at only 2. Before you know it, he'll be wanting his first car or bringing home his first girlfriend. I'm bracing myself. LOL